Stumbling in The Dark
by beccasfics
Summary: (I stink at summaries) He knows that he will never hit something good again. Not after Penryn. (Also, I didn't know what genres this would be sorted into so…)


**Disclaimer: I do not own Penryn and The End of days. It belongs to the marvelous (cruel) Susan Ee. And, trust me, if I owned this series the ending wouldn't have been the ending and we wouldn't be crying this hard.**

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She's in her red dress again.

I back up so quickly that my new "wings" cut open another gash in my arm. Sparing a glance down, I press my free hand to the wound, stopping the blood flow slightly. When I look back up, Penryn is so close I can smell her freshly shampooed hair. I close my eyes, resting my head against the wall of the abandoned house. _She's not real,_ I tell myself, _you carried her corpse yourself._

And then I feel her hand on my cheek. The gesture is so familiar, so similar to that time in the aerie that my eyes open automatically. And when they do, she smiles softly. "Are you okay?" She asks, and that voice, oh that voice, it makes my heart beat double time. "Raffe?" She asks, her voice full of concern when she sees that I've closed my eyes once again.

_"You're not real."_ I say through gritted teeth. The warmth of her hand recedes from my cheek, and I almost regret opening my mouth. "You're dead." I say, more to myself than to her. When she doesn't reply, I look slowly to her. He head is tilted to the side, her eyes staring at me as if I've gone mad - which, I probably have.

"I'm not dead, Raffe. I'm right here." Penryn smiles slightly, her shoulders lifting just a fraction. She takes a step forward, but something about her walk is off. She drags her feet, as if she can't feel them… as if they're numb. I stumble back another step, wanting to keep as much distance between me and…her as possible. She freezes and stares at me for a moment before hugging her arms around herself. "Can I ask you something?"

I almost laugh. I came so close to telling her so many things before. Came so close to spilling out my mind. "I'm an open book."

"Why'd you kill me?"

My head swims for a moment. Her head has drooped, her dark hair creating a curtain around her, as if she's too weak to hold her head up. "I didn't want to..." I rasp, my voice hoarse. "If I had known what would happen I would never-"

Penryn falls.

Her legs fall from under her and she crumples onto the floor, and I'm lunging to her side before I can even process what's going on. I brush her hair away from her face, and I freeze when I see her neck. Her neck looks like it's been ripped open, looks like it's been torn inside-out. Her body starts to twitch. I catch a glimpse of her eyes, which have not been closed, and for a moment I see such pain - such horrible, horrible pain and with a sickening thought, I wonder; _Is this what she felt when she got hurt? _In the aerie, her wound didn't look much worse than a bad wasp sting, but now I know. _This_ is what it felt like.

I pull her limp body into my arms, stroking her hair, her cheek, trying to keep her calm or comfort her or _something. _All the guilt that has become a cold stone in my heart melts into lava, and it hits me like bricks. I shouldn't have agreed to let her ome to the aerie. I knew there was going to be a high probability that she would die. But no, I am a ruined, selfish, cruel bastard who couldn't let his companion go, even when I knew she could get hurt.

"You don't even like me, remember?" I hear her voice. It's full of pain and it's weak and I feel a fist close around my throat. I'm having trouble breathing and my eyes feel hot.

"No, Penryn-"

_"-I love you." _

My eyes open and I bolt upright. My body is drenched in sweat, my hair plastered to my face as I look around. I am in the guest house again. The blanket Penryn had used that night folded neatly on the floor. Panting from exhaustion and shock, I reach down - _my hand is trembling and my arms are cut -_ and grab it off the floor. I stare at the worn fabric in my hands, feeling the smoothness of it.

I roll off the sofa, careful of the newly attached demon wings on my back, and stand. I fold the blanket again, placing it underneath the couch cushions. It's a feeble attempt at hiding it, but I don't want anyone to use it. It belongs to Penryn now, even if she isn't breathing. I straighten, looking around and taking in the cottage. I close my eyes, breathing in deep and swiveling on my heel towards the door.

I stumble out into the dark, knowing I will not hit something good ever again.

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**My goodness my heart hurts. Why did I write that!? WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF? **

***ahem* Not sure if it caused you as much emotional pain as me, but…yeah.**

**This is my first fanfic! Comments/reviews/criticism is greatly appreciated! **

**Thanks for reading!**


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